HIBERNATING

Once upon a time there was this girl that wasn't the 'conventional' girl: she liked to wear baggy pants and boy sweatshirts, simply done hair and boy shoes. Her parents didn't approve and neither did a lot of the community (though they'd never say it), but her friends accepted her and she loved them because deep down she knew that they were some of the greatest people in the world. But there was one friend in particular that she couldn't stop thinking about—it was like she was addicted. Every day she called him because the urge to talk with him and hear what he said was so compelling and so frightfully forceful that she craved to converse with him, to listen to his far-out philosophies and smile as he made the most damnably hilarious statements she'd ever heard. Her want of him escalated to the point that one day she realized that she was in love--or at least as close to it as she'd ever been. She'd found the ideal person to hang out with, the ideal man to be around, and she thought everything would go perfectly...well, at least as perfectly as anything ever goes in her life (which is hardly ever, but that's beside the point).

But it didn’t. It didn't go perfectly at all. Upon hearing of the feelings she harbored for him, he spurned her, did the worst thing imaginable--stopped talking with her. Then, in front of their mutual friends, he said that he liked one of her best friends--and he also said that it was only because that best friend knew him best. Now this girl had taken three years out of her life to get to know this man, so you can imagine how utterly crushed she was when she heard that it had all been for naught, that all her effort at cracking his outer shell of shyness was futile and wasted because after all she'd done she'd really only come in second place. She'd failed, and failure was never an option in her efficiency-centric world.

So from then on, she vowed to not waste any more time on that man. He didn't love her, she didn't know him; they weren't meant to be. End of story.

...Or is it?

The truth is that she certainly THOUGHT it was the end of the story seeing as how it was definitely the end of their relationship. For an entire week the phone that used to be clamped against her ear almost incessantly as she talked endlessly with him on the phone for hours at a time lay docile on the table, its flip top unopened and its key pad unpressed. She didn't call him, and he didn't call her. Her friends wondered what was going on and worried over the two of them ("you really should talk to him, i dont think leaving it like this is healthy," said her best friend), but she did nothing but swamp herself in other tedious tasks, hoping to engage herself in so many chores that she'd eventually force him from her mind forever.

When school started again, they never made eye contact. The group that they were both a part of held its tongue and watched in silence, each member subconsciously feeling the snap every time one of the strings that had once connected the two friends together pulled taut and twanged apart as they both pulled away from each other in opposite directions.

SNAP--listening to slipknot no longer reminded her of him, even if it was one of their favorite bands.

SNAP--chocolate cake wouldn't make him think of her.

SNAP--seeing the endless stream of text messages on either of their phones from the other person wouldn't make them remember each other.

It got to the point that, finally, the group realized the moment to step in and stop this madness was long gone and all the could do was choose a side--and of course they chose hers, even though without saying anything she gave them an open option without the consequence of possible persecution, because ultimately she was the one who really united them, the one who made things happier and kept them together. Of course, without him it didn’t feel the same, but without her it would have been worse—almost unholy.

Then one day in math class as all the friends gathered in a corner to discuss anything and everything but math, she glanced over to where he was sitting, completely ostracized by the group that had once been his friends too, alone in the middle of the classroom at table with a silent girl that never talked and that no one knew. To her, he looked so sad, so...quiet. And, against her will, that made her feel sad too.

She stood up, walked over and sat down in front of him. His pencil stilled on the paper and she noticed that the entire time he hadn't been doing his homework as she thought he'd be, but was only absent-mindedly scratching on his notepad. He'd been thinking, and now that she had his attention all thoughts had paused. She could almost hear the hush in the classroom as her group in the corner silently watched her, scrutinizing every move that either of them made...

He looked up, and at once a rush of excitement tore through her body as her eyes locked on his, she never being one to say no to beauty and beauty was certainly what she saw in his gaze...they stared at each other, and suddenly the smile she'd been repressing broke through, and she grinned...at him...

And he grinned back.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey..." He said, smirking now that the awkwardness that had stretched between them for nearly two weeks was suddenly--miraculously--broken to pieces, shattered on the floor and swept aside.

"Whatcha been doin' lately?" she asked. It was the question she always asked when they talked on the phone together, the question that was as normal to them as the sun rising in the east was for the world. It opened the gates to their old relationship, and in that one instant they both realized that they hadn't lost a friendship--it had simply been hibernating.

 THE END

thanx you guys for the comments about my last entry! i know, don't u LUV those stickers?? they're so cool. my personal fav has GOT to be the spoon--just cuz im kinky like that, but i like em all honestly. a

anyways, only one thing that i have to say today:

BRIAN KENNY IS MY IDOL!

falliblefortunes: ya i actually got drunk last night

smileforpeople: cool!

smileforpeople: i bought lots o paper today cuz i was depressed

smileforpeople: why'd you get drunk??

smileforpeople: huh drunkie?

smileforpeople: and without me??

falliblefortunes: lol

falliblefortunes: u poor thing

falliblefortunes: i got drunk cuz there was nothing else to do...and like i had just had a HORRIBLE date....

falliblefortunes: eeek...and then called paul to bitch about it and he made me even more depressed..

smileforpeople: what kind of a horrible date??

smileforpeople: you went on a date with out me??

falliblefortunes: llol

smileforpeople: oh you whore.

falliblefortunes: LOL

falliblefortunes: u want some?

falliblefortunes: lol jk

smileforpeople: .. it ok.

falliblefortunes: nah, it was like a double date with dickey...

smileforpeople: i hope you're not talking to tika about this

falliblefortunes: and i had a guy--rhyan--who was gonna go with us...

falliblefortunes: im not...

smileforpeople: wow thats hot rhyan with a h

smileforpeople: oh good

smileforpeople: cuz its like her little sister not tika or somehting

falliblefortunes: ooo lol

falliblefortunes: ok

smileforpeople: i can see you corrupting her

smileforpeople: ok back to the date

smileforpeople: rHyan

falliblefortunes: corrupting prionka???

falliblefortunes: nooooo, not meee....

falliblefortunes: ok, well, maybe... a lil bit

falliblefortunes: she already thinks im god or something

falliblefortunes: its quite funny

smileforpeople: haha :D

falliblefortunes: well anyways....so rhyan ended up making a terrible impression on dickey (i swear, it was like bringing the bf home to the parents! O.O) first by being late 30 mins to the movie so that he had to wait until it finished to see us...cuz we'd already gone thru so much trouble trying to sneak dk and viki in...

falliblefortunes: then by talking of NOTHING but how he always has to beg for food to the point that we had to literally go into ralphs and get him some free samples...then we sat down in the sun and talked about formal...(cuz u noe, it would be the four of us going, if everything worked out) and he said that he was poor and would NEVER pay for anything--not the tickets for his gf, not the limo, not her dress, not anything! and then he was like im gonna sneak in and if she doesnt thats her own problem...

falliblefortunes: well dk, what with having his own set of morals, told him that he was a complete asshole....

smileforpeople: haha

smileforpeople: wow im starting to like dylan

falliblefortunes: and then viki pulled me aside and basically told me that we had to leave b4 dk decided to progress from glaring at rhyan to strangling him....so...we left, abandoning rhyan at the highlands...

smileforpeople: nice

falliblefortunes: interesting turn out, it really depressed me a bit....not b/c they didnt like rhyan, but b/c i saw all the bad qualities of him all in like 30 mins...

falliblefortunes: lol

smileforpeople: who is this rhyan anyways?

smileforpeople: does he go to tp?

falliblefortunes: he's the hot indian kid that stays on the grass with the rest of the sophs during lunch..

falliblefortunes: my mr. tall dark and handsome

falliblefortunes: lol

smileforpeople: ...

smileforpeople: wow... :cough: that sure... sounds se...

smileforpeople: sex...

smileforpeople: i can't even say it

falliblefortunes: LOL

falliblefortunes: shuttup...

smileforpeople: he sound like an asshole

smileforpeople: not sexy

smileforpeople: err like

smileforpeople: llooks like an asshole

smileforpeople: or something like that

falliblefortunes: ya well...i noe....but u have to admit...a lot of cuteguys are jerks..

smileforpeople: i don't know

falliblefortunes: lol

smileforpeople: !

smileforpeople: yeah!!

smileforpeople: a lot of cute guys are stupid too

smileforpeople: and emo

smileforpeople: and younger than you!

falliblefortunes: EWWW

falliblefortunes: not cute guy is emo! tho i wouldnt object to karens 12 year old neighbor....

smileforpeople: ...

falliblefortunes: i agree, younger guys are definitely hot, hot, hot

smileforpeople: theguy i like is really cute

falliblefortunes: hahaha

smileforpeople: but he wears really tight pants

falliblefortunes: hes also dumb...

smileforpeople: worta

smileforpeople: srta

smileforpeople: ...

falliblefortunes: worta...////

smileforpeople: and all black

smileforpeople: yea worta

falliblefortunes: lol

smileforpeople: don't know youknow

smileforpeople: its the new word

smileforpeople: i odn't know what im talking about

smileforpeople: but i have to go

falliblefortunes: like fuck...but alright...

smileforpeople: eat

smileforpeople: and be fat

falliblefortunes: ok

falliblefortunes: buuuuyyyyy

smileforpeople: yummmmm

falliblefortunes: byeee

smileforpeople: byebye

falliblefortunes: lol

smileforpeople: ...

wow, i haven't updated in a long time. i'm sorry...

updates: got a D on math test and now have D in the class...like fuck, im gonna get killed for that tho i dont noe by who yet (either me, my parents, or my teacher...) eeeh...asked out a guy, got rejected, things are awkward now. i think i saw too much into the friendship we had and now i realize that he could care less about me ...even as a friend only... it's a sad thing. went on an azn boy hugging spree today--spawned a cult following of copycap huggers who joined in and gave this one guy with an extreme 'aversion-to-touching' complex a billion hugs...was hella funny to see him standing  paralyzed mid sentenced in shock as one person after the other gave him a full on hug like no other....

hilarious...

and then ...read some fanfiction....cant get enuff of that even if the whole fanfic world is going to shit and all i can do is sit back and say "there's still hope...still hope"...ya, pathetic...

cut up a bit. couldn't fall asleep last night cuz i was so angry at myself for being so stupid about everything--math, time management, overachieverness--that i took my handy dandy razor blade and just sliced open a few prime places, ending up with13 (wow i didnt even plan on that number, it just sorta happened! O.O) raw, violently red cuts that had all this red just spilling out of them and causing lil droplets to splash into the bowl of the sink beneath my arm.

...it was so pretty, really it was...

but yeah, i let it bleed for a while--actually i really dont noe when it stopped--and sooner than later the blood loss was making me kinda dizzy and it wasn't that hard to go to sleep. Finally.

my life is going to shit right b4 my eyes, and some ppl are too jump-the-gun-ny to stop themselves from telling me that its b/c im suicidal--cuz, honestly, im not--and realize that its cuz im too overstretched in just about every direction imagineable...

sometimes i just wanna be able to tell someone--anyone--something, and noe that...they'll really care about hearing it. i wonder if i'll ever get that.